I am holding up, not so strongly but still, I am holding up
to fight a sudden bout of painful illness, to save myself from crushing under
this tornado. It’s like standing on the edge of the cliff against a strong wind
blowing to make me fall. It’s not love, it’s not lust, it’s not infatuation.
It’s like peeking into someone’s soul, unraveling it bit by
bit and realizing with each revelation how much I adore it. The deep dungeons
of mind and heart and beyond. How much I care for it. But still. It’s also
realizing the pain I feel for that troubled soul and the pity I feel for mine.
I know the souls cannot be saved, both his and mine.
I do random things to fill up time and space. Measure 90 ml
of water, go for a standup comedy show, apply for a new credit card, buy things
I will never use, make pointless presentations and meet uninteresting
strangers.
I cry, not out of sorrow or helplessness. I cry to stray, to stand at the edge of the
cliff for some more time before I walk away.
